Living Beyond the Law
Matthew 5:31,32
June 2, 2019 AM
Pastor Craig Ledbetter
Bible Baptist Church, Ballincollig, Cork, Ireland
I. Introduction
A. Jesus is teaching about the Realities/Characteristics of the Kingdom of God
B. Jesus spent three chapters challenging what they already believed and accepted as true, and called them to a better, deeper understanding
1. Exposed that the righteousness of the Pharisees and modern world and culture was only superficial
2. Demands that our righteousness must exceed that of the Pharisees
3. Living in the Kingdom of God is different
4. It is a life obeying the Old testament laws as written, not as twisted by religions
5. Remember, Christ Came to Fulfil the Law (Matthew 5:17-20), and to teach us how to live by them too
C. In Chapter 5 of Matthew, Jesus explodes six big myths about
1. Murder and Anger (Matthew 5:21-26)
2. Adultery and Lust (Matthew 5:27-30)
3. Divorce (Matthew 5:31,32)
4. Oaths and Promises (Matthew 5:33-37)
5. Retaliation (Matthew 5:38-42)
6. Loving Your Enemies (Matthew 5:43-48)
D. All of them are radically different than what we naturally want to do and believe
E. All of them are supposed to be the norm IN the Kingdom of God, which means, IN OUR HEARTS and HOMES and CHURCHES!
II. Background
A. We now listen to Jesus expose our wrong attitudes about marriage and divorce, and calls us to better marriages! (Mat 5:31,32) Without divorce!
1. People have many ideas about divorce
2. Always been a lot of confusion and about it
3. IN Jesus’ day, the attitude had become one where a man could dump his wife, if he saw a woman more beautiful than her, or if she displeased him in her habits, or even in her cooking skills!
4. There was a lot of physical and sexual abuse going on
5. Many forced marriages, and forced divorces
6. Wicked men were divorcing their wife just to have a fling with another woman and then remarry his wife again so as to not lose an inheritance
7. The truth is, SATAN hates marriage – especially Christian marriages!
8. So Jesus starts here in Matt 5 to take back marriage from the devil!
B. Jesus is not presenting a complete teaching on marriage or divorce – He just wanted to explode people’s wrong views about divorce. Just wanted to give a burst of LIGHT
C. People will divorce for whatever reason they want. Usually it is because:
1. Porn – fornication, adultery, and unfaithfulness
2. Pride – constant arguing, and being inflexible
3. Perceptions – MIS-perceptions – always imagining the worst
4. Prudeness – withholding love and affection and passion
5. Power – Abuse of it
D. But in the Kingdom of God, in Christianity…
1. Marriage must be priority, protected, honoured, and fought FOR
2. The Bible presents marriage as a binding covenant relationship between a man and a woman who live as a gift to each other for LIFE
3. Divorce must be limited to very specific conditions - Fornication
a. One cannot simply trade in and replace spouses the way one can trade in an old automobile for a new car.
b. Or else, you have adultery!
III. Message (Matthew 5:31,32)
It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
A. Wow! (Matthew 5:31,32; 19:3; Deut 24:1)
1. What’s the issue?
a. It is divorce
b. That people were feeling free to divorce their wives and husbands for any reason
1) Mat 19:3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
c. The Law of God in Deuteronomy 24 said it was possible to divorce someone for being “unhealthy” towards you (unclean)
1) Deu 24:1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
2) Sounds easy to understand, right?
d. The people had grown used to USING God’s laws instead of learning to live by them
1) It is easy to twist Scriptures to your own use.
2) Churches do it all the time.
3) The Pharisees were teaching and enabling the people to throw away their marriages like old clothes.
e. Yet Jesus hammers their carnality and their wrongness in their understanding and abuse of this allowance!
1) In those days, they called a depressed wife ‘toxic’ to the wellbeing of the husband, and so society allowed men to dump them
2) Angry men were also seen as ‘toxic’, and so were abandoned by their wives for mental health reasons
3) Lazy men who wouldn’t work were dumped by their wives
4) And lazy women who wouldn’t cook meals were divorced by their demanding husbands
5) THOSE ARE NOT GROUNDS FOR BREAKING UP A MARRIAGE
f. So, Jesus took his audience all the way back to Genesis chapter 2 and show them that any time you break the one flesh of a marriage you are committing adultery and breaking gods highest laws.
g. He was proving and showing that what the people were doing was ignoring Gods design and purpose of marriage and in HIS kingdom it would not be that way.
2. Words Have Meanings
a. Marriage
1) Our modern society believes that marriage is only a wish, a goal, a couple of names on a piece of paper, that can be blotted out when things don’t work out
2) Where is marriage defined?
a) Not in Deuteronomy 24 like the Pharisees thought
b) But in Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
3) God says marriage is a covenant (Malachi 2:13-16)
a) Mal 2:13 And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand.
b) Mal 2:14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
c) Mal 2:15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
d) Mal 2:16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
e) Not just two people coming together – but a legally binding agreement between two people (a man, and a woman) that results in serious consequences if broken
f) Therefore, there are expectations of both parties, and consequences when those are not met
g) Because it is more than a one night stand, or a verbal agreement, or a live-in situation
4) Marriage is designed by God
a) Not something two people just jump into and wing it!
b) Not a product of evolution
c) God designed two genders (male and female) in the world
d) Designed men and women to be married – they can stay single if they want, but they are designed to be married to someone of the opposite gender
e) Designed married couples to produce children
f) Designed each person in the marriage to benefit the other person ahead of themselves
g) Those are all designed into marriage!
5) Marriage is the work of God – joining two people into one
a) Where God helps two become one FLESH - One person
b) Adam and Eve became ADAM – that’s why a woman takes the name of her husband (Gen 5:1,2)
(i) Gen 5:1 This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him;
(ii) Gen 5:2 Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.
6) So, God has some serious expectations of our marriages – whether we knew what we were getting into or not!
b. Divorce in Ireland, the UK and USA
1) Divorce has scared people
a) Approximately 30% of couples are now living together instead of marrying
b) In the UK and in the US, 45% of all bona fide marriages fail within the first 10 years (ending in separation, and ultimately in divorce)
c) It is projected that ½ of all marriages will end in divorce before the 30th wedding anniversary
2) Divorce usually begets more divorce
a) Children of couples who stay together and love each other stay married
b) Children of divorce, usually divorce
c) And people who have divorced, usually divorce at least twice more times
3) Things are NOT going to get any better without a great awakening
c. Fornication
1) Fornication (1Cor 7:1-4) means any sexual sin where you take what belongs to your mate, and you give it to someone else
a) 1Co 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
b) 1Co 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
c) 1Co 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
d) 1Co 7:4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
2) Fornicating includes:
a) Sex before marriage – messing around, going all the way, etc
b) Pornography – porneia in the Greek – lust and emotional adultery – just not physical
c) Sex outside of your marriage – like Adultery
d) Homosexuality (Rom 1:29) and lesbians
e) Incest (1Cor 5:1)
f) Fornication is a serious sin because it deprives the other person of what you promised to make available by covenant to your spouse (1Cor 7:1-4)
3. This is all part of a larger lesson - Context is king!
a. The Pharisees taught about how to break down, and destroy marriages
b. But Jesus taught about forgiving when you have been hurt and become angry
1) And conquering lust – not letting it win
2) Keeping your promises and vows
3) Going the extra mile when someone pours more burdens on you
4) Not seeking revenge
5) And loving back when you have been hurt – that’s real love!
c. THAT IS WHAT IT IS LIKE LIVING IN THE KINGDOM OF GOD
A. Marriage in Reality
1. In the Old Testament, most every marriage was pretty rotten. Painful. Pretty rough.
a. You've sometimes got polygamy (many wives) involved
b. You've got concubines involved a few times
c. Lot had a horrible home life… he was carnal, and selfish, and yet he only ever had one wife. She never divorced him, and he never divorced her!
d. Noah had ONE wife who was married to someone who spent 100 years building a boat out in the middle of the desert, and she stayed married to him!
2. And yet there is no divorce anywhere in the Old Testament among the people you would think would rightly seek it. Strange, isn't it?
a. Abraham and Sarah did not have a fairy tale marriage, yet they stayed married.
1) Remember Hagar?
2) Remember that Abraham distanced himself from Sarah when some men started lusting after her? He did not protect her!
3) Yet she did not seek a divorce
b. Isaac and Rebekah didn’t communicate well at all – had a divided home. And yet stayed married to each other.
c. Jacob marries one women (Rachel), only to find out her brother had switched her at the last minute their wedding night with Leah. Jacob finally gets to marry Rachel, but he never divorced Leah, and Leah never divorced Jacob for having her sister as another wife!
d. God commanded the prophet Hosea to marry an unfaithful harlot named Gomer and would not let Hosea walk away from that marriage even though SHE did!
e. The reality of marriage is, that is usually is a mess – but God’s people endure. They all worked it out and stayed married!
3. So what is YOUR tale?
a. You probably married with the best and highest of intentions, and yet have had some pretty rough patches
b. Well, don’t throw everything away when YOURS becomes a mess
c. Let the reality of the Kingdom of God overwhelm any reality of marriage or possibility of divorce that you may be facing right now!
4. Because MARRIAGE is the only sexual relationship that God will honour. Everything else, He promises that He will catch up with you someday, and judge (Hebrews 13:4)!
B. Divorce is Usually MORE Horrible than a Bad Marriage
1. I know what culture says…
a. “you should not live miserably”
b. “you should find someone that makes you happy”
c. “you deserve second chances”
2. But GOD does not see things that way
3. He expects parents to teach their children…
a. To truly love, and to keep your promises
b. To be content – happy with what you have got!
c. To thank God for everything and in everything
d. To WORK hard at things and NOT be so easily offended and selfish
4. Because, when a marriage is broken up, horrible things happen
a. It tears apart two people who had become one flesh
b. Destroys children
c. Becomes a burden on churches and now on the State
d. Ruins the picture of Christ and His Bride – eternally committed and unbreakable
e. I believe that the awful state of marriages today is the main reason for the rise in homosexual behaviour!
5. Divorce is like experiencing a head-on collision between two 1 ton vehicles
a. Imagine all the shards of metal and glass going everywhere
b. And now imagine all the people inside, young and old
c. They will take a lifetime to heal!
C. Divorce IS Allowed by God
1. Divorce was never in God’s design for any family experience divorce, any more than DEATH was to be part of life – it is a result of sin
2. But God made allowance for married people to break up (Deut 24; and Matt 5)
a. Examples include:
b. God commanded Abraham to divorce Hagar and send her away
c. Joseph was preparing to divorce Mary (Mt 1:19) before they were even fully married
3. Moses never commanded divorce – he only suffered it, or allowed it under extreme circumstances (Deut 24)
a. This was not God saying:
1) “do as you please”
2) “Marry whom you want”
3) “And divorce when you need to”
b. THAT’S WHAT OUR MODERN CULTURE SAYS
4. Only Three Reasons are allowed for:
a. Unfaithfulness during the betrothal period – that was considered fornication
1) The Jewish betrothal (engagement) was a legal contract that was as binding as marriage (Deut 20:7; 22:24).
2) If the betrothed proved unfaithful prior to the consummation of the marriage, legal action could be taken and divorce could be obtained. Following this custom, when Joseph discovered that Mary was expecting a child while betrothed to him, he planned to divorce her quietly rather than exposing her to public disgrace, or possible stoning (Matt 1:18,19).
b. When there has been sexual immorality involved after marriage (Matthew 5:42)
1) Mat 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication
2) Adultery
3) Homosexuality
4) Desertion – no longer physically being one flesh. Living apart with no intention to come back together.
c. Abuse during marriage – extreme abuse (Matt 19:8)
1) Mat 19:8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives
2) If a person is physically abusive the divorce would actually protect the other person or the children, and hopefully put the abuser into prison, allowing the abuse woman the opportunity to go on
5. Any other reason and Matthew 19:9 says…
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication [THE ONLY ALLOWANCE] and shall marry another [WITHOUT GOOD CAUSE], committeth adultery:
and whoso marrieth her which is put away [BECAUSE OF HER FORNICATION] doth commit adultery [WITH HER].
a. YOU are an adulterer
b. And you should probably be stoned – God thinks that highly of marriage
B. The Problem Behind Divorce – what causes divorce?
1. It usually is NOT the other person – it is our own heart’s response!
2. Most of our problems have always been in our heart
3. So, your main focus must be on what is going on IN YOUR heart
4. Because our heart, if unconverted, and unchecked, will drive us to destroy everything good in our lives and homes
5. Listen to Jesus refer to our HEARTS
a. Mat 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
b. Mat 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
c. Mat 6:21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
d. Mat 9:4 And Jesus knowing their thoughts said, Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts?
e. Mat 12:35 A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.
f. Mat 15:8 This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.
g. Mat 15:18,19 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:
h. Mat 18:35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.
i. Mat 19:8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
C. Flippant Attitudes Destroy Everything
1. It is probably never the case that someone sets out to divorce their wife or their husband
2. It is almost always the fact that someone takes the marriage flippantly and considers divorce as an easy out
3. Well, just remember, Jesus said
a. Being flippant about our anger and hatred are as bad as murder.
1) There are rare times to get angry
2) But they had better be for a very good cause
3) And then anger MUST be put away
4) End of story
5) Or else you are a murderer in God’s eyes, and are in the grip of Satan
b. Being flippant about emotional lust in your thinking and heart, is just as wicked as committing physical adultery
4. So, NOT treating marriage as holy and priceless - results
in deadly consequences.
Like deciding to smash a massive €30,000,000 diamond into a thousand little
pieces
D. The Truths About Divorce
1. God hates divorce (Mal 2:13-15)
a. God does not hate our unhappiness, or our poverty, or our stress
b. But He does hate the destruction of a marriage for the wrong reasons
c. He allows for divorce – because people are hard-hearted and don’t care about anything when they are hurt – but He hates it still!
2. God hates adultery more!
a. An adulterer was supposed to be stoned (Lev 20:10) And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.
b. A divorced person can remarry
c. By the way – BOTH can be forgiven! Jesus died for the worst of sins and can save not just the soul of an adulterer, but can save the home of an adulterer!
3. Divorce should be sought only as a last resort, to be discouraged in all but the most aggravated of cases. Why?
a. Because we have Jesus – the Saviour who has forgiven ALL trespasses
b. Because we have the Person of the Holy Spirit dwelling in us
c. Because we have hope – that God can fix anything
d. Because we live in a different kingdom that is one of life and resurrection
4. Remember my list from the start? Divorce usually is because of:
a. Porn – unfaithfulness
b. Pride – constant arguing, and being inflexible
c. Perceptions – MIS-perceptions – always imagining the worst
d. Prude – withholding love and affection and passion
e. Power – Abuse of it
5. Is THAT how you want to live in YOUR home?
E. Marriage in the Kingdom of God
1. Is different that the world around us
a. Looks different
b. Lasts longer
c. Loves differently
d. Leaves a better example
e. Leads people to faith in Christ by that example
2. Is not perfect, but is better at its core
a. Not in our own abilities
b. But in Christ’s presence in us
3. Is worth waiting for
a. Two believers
b. Committed to living as Christ said
4. Is hard – and sometimes suffering
a. Christians are supposed to remain with unbelieving partners (1Cor 7:12-14; 1Pet 3:1-7)
b. Christians are supposed to forgive a lot of sin in their spouse
c. Christians are to overlook a lot of suffering and hardships
d. So, Christians should NOT allow anything to just trigger a divorce – it should only be the last of the last resorts!
5. Is blessed by God – He honours a married couple even though the world ignores them
6. Is what holds society together, and churches, and minds and futures – all glued by the love between two people who choose to sacrifice everything out of love for another
7. Is only possible with God’s help
F. The Best Way to Face Divorce…
1. Is, Don’t Go Down That Road – it is not going to be an option
2. Humble yourself (Psalm 51)
3. Get your priorities right
a. Walking with God is your priority
b. Your spouse is THE next priority – more than your kids
4. Do whatever you have to, to stay together, and stay in love
a. Forgive and get forgiven
b. Talk and listen to each other
c. Protect each other – like you do your children
d. Pray fervently for each other
e. Do things differently
5. Or, don’t get married
G. By the way, Remarriage is Permitted
1. If the spouses husband or wife has died (Rom 7:2) – that’s obvious
2. If the Christian spouse is divorced by an unbeliever for their faith in Christ, or the unbelieving spouse just deserts the marriage, it is okay to remarry (1Co 7:15)
3. If the divorced person is the innocent victim of the action of an adulterous partner who obtains a divorce to marry another man or woman (Mat 5:28-30)
4. Such innocent persons are permitted to remarry (1Co 7:28, "But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned").
II. Invitation – You Had Better Get Into the Kingdom of God
A. Don’t just USE the Bible
1. I have found, most people are like the Pharisees – they only USE the Bible, and only want to find fault with someone else’ “interpretation”, like they were trying to do with Jesus. People don’t care about what God says. They are going to do what they feel like doing
2. Don’t be like that
B. Don’t ignore what you heard this morning – and these past few months – there is no better way to live and love and learn, than from Jesus
C. And if you want to have a Kingdom Marriage, then live by God’s ‘Kingdom Laws’
D. God is a restorer, a repairer, a regenerator of things that have died – even marriages (divorce attempts to block God from resurrecting something that you have concluded is dead)
1. You cannot save your marriage – but Christ can!
2. You will never be able to love like you should – but Christ can love through you
3. Get born again! (John 3:3)
4. And then start living by these Beatitudes – laws of the Kingdom of God
E. Ask God for His help!